Resurrection, may be?

I am thinking about moving to another blogging platform gradually and eventually.

However, I noticed that there are some unfinished posts in my drafts. So, I am planning to complete and publish them one by one before moving over completely.

Keep reading and if any thought crosses your mind while going through the posts, please drop a comment.

I would love to know the feedback while I attempt to resume writing in the New Year!

मृत्यु

मृत्यु-

जाने वाले का अंतिम आभास

शोकाकुल पर सतत आघात 

Niagra Falls

Like all the tourists entering the USA, Niagara falls was on my to-go list.
And on one of the days when Mr. was practicing for his Driving Test, we decided to take a long route - all the way to one of the most beautiful scenic attractions- Niagara falls. 

The New York side of the falls was about 400 miles from our place, an approx. 7.5 hrs. drive without breaks. Considering the relatively new experience behind the wheels and the difference in driving rules from India, we decided to go easy. We had a good night's sleep the day before, had breakfast and packed sandwiches for lunch. Then picked the rental car around 12 and started on our first long drive trip from Manhattan. We took plenty of breaks and finally reached our hotel in Rochester around 8 PM.


It was a Sunday in September so the weather was fine but the crowd at the falls was crazy!
I realized during the scores of road trips that we have done since, that there will be an overwhelming no. of Desi crowds at tourist places, especially if it is a long weekend or American holiday break. Crazy Number! So, we now avoid these holidays especially with a toddler because the whole experience will just go waste while waiting and finding a good spot without people photo-bombing all around.

Kids definitely don't have that patience!

Anyway, since we had driven all the way, the excitement of the first long trip kept me going through the scorching heat of 2.5 hrs. waiting in line for the tickets and then to the actual starting point of the boats that take you for the round to see the falls from close distance.

At one point, my stamina gave up and I fainted. Well, almost. Husband talked to the security person and requested for us to chip back in the queue once I felt fine. He agreed but there went those 20 mins of our very packed day. As soon as I felt a little better we joined the line and waited for our turn to hop on the boat. Even before that, the view from that small walk to the elevator that takes you down to the fall was so refreshing that there was no sign of fatigue from a long day!

Then came the boat and the journey to one of the greatest natural wonders of the world started. The feel of water on your face from the fall makes it the experience of another world. It felt like I was floating in water clouds. The sound of the falls helps lower the noise (excitement filled) of the crowd around you . You must capture the view and its enormity inside you, not just in the cameras. 

I even saw the first super clear rainbow of my life!

We finished the maid of the mist trail and headed back to the elevator.
Took a few pictures on our way back and covered a few nearby places from the trip adviser list.

It was getting dark and I was getting super hungry for the meal-food. Snacks, though we still had plenty left, couldn't fix my craving for a real meal. So we hit the road and were back to our room in about an hour. As soon as I touched the bed, I realized how tired I was!! There was no energy or excitement left to explore food at that time. We just ordered dinner from the room service menu and called it a day.

ज़ख्म

वक़्त -
मरहम है सबसे बड़ा
सुनते आये हमेशा से
कहा भी कई बार
कइयों से

फिर खुद जी कर जाना

वक़्त-
भरता नहीं हर ज़ख्म
कई बार बस
सीखा देता है जीना
पुरानों के साथ
जब हमें झेलने होते है

नए ज़ख्म !

अयोध्या

 

 

The honorable Supreme Court of India has now given the verdict on the much awaited Ayodhya Ram JanmBhumi case. And, as believed by millions of Hindus worldwide, the court has declared that the disputed site was indeed a Temple, destructing which another structure was erected and was called Babari Masjid.

This structure was again destroyed in Dec, 1992 in an attempt to reclaim the original Temple site.

Proceeding through the hierarchy of Indian judiciary, the case has been finally given a conclusion after 27 long years of countless hearings and apparent detailed study of history and geography by the personnel involved.

I don't intend to dissect this very sensitive topic/verdict. Although, it does bring lots of emotions and memories back. My heart and eyes can tell.

This topic strikes a personal chord with me as the very first memory that I can recall is the image of my father performing aarti(prayer with diya) wearing crisp white dhoti and later walking in khadau(wooden slippers) on an unpaved road. Another glimpse, I remember, is of a couple of monkeys running close to where we were setting up our bedding for the night and pulling the stop cork from our khaki air-pillow!

Maa tells me this place was Ayodhya, where my parents took me when I was around 2.5 years old!

Today as I turn another year older, I reflect on the happy moments of my life, the places I have visited and the influences that have shaped me as a person.

( I am sure all of us, at least once, have tried to recall the earliest clear memory from our life; haven't you?)

Naturally, one of my most treasured memories is the glimpse of this first travel/pilgrimage experience cum historic site visit.

Now, I am not a very religious person. Ritualistic, even less.

Still, today I lit a Diya not just for its aesthetics but also for the beautiful memories it connects me to.

 🙏🏼

Role

Who are you?

The ma, the wife, the sister n' daughter - all that you see

 in the Lady next door.

The Poet, the Quant with hunger galore.

A passionate whole.

A wandering soul.

Who am I?

Your next Read.

My next Role.

Game

LET US PLAY TO WIN

After all -

There is 
so much to enjoy,
so much to learn,
so much to grow,
so much to rise to,

so much to say,
so much to hear,
so much to

    fall in love with,

so much to fight
        for and with!



~ SD

पंख

नन्हे चूजे ने पंख फड़फड़ाये 

और फिर 

वो भी उड़ गया

                        घोंसलों में घर 

                        बन तो जाता है

                        बस नहीं पाता | 

सागर

कुछ बूंदें,
यूँ कह कर के
मत मांगो;

मैं देता हूँ
लो तुम पूरा सागर ले लो |

मैं विष पीकर जीता आया हूँ

......फिर जी लूँगा 

ले लो,
तुम अमृत की गागर ले लो

कुछ बूंदें क्यूं

सागर ले लो | 

घोर अमां आई है ?
आई रहने दो

ओह, कालिमा छाई है ?
छाई रहने दो

चांद नहीं है आसमान में ?

अहे, चांदनी से क्या होगा ....

अहे, चांदनी से क्या होगा ,

मैं पी लेता हूँ अंधकार भी

लो, तुम प्रखर प्रभाकर ले लो

कुछ बूंदें क्यूं

सागर ले लो;

कुछ बूंदें क्यूं

सागर ले लो | 

~ SD

Red

Red- his favorite color.
I don't remember how, over the time, it has become my favorite color as well. There was a time, not too long ago, when all I had were Blacks/Whites/Grays or their combination shades in my closet. Now, whenever I shop in the mall or online, Red is the one color I look for and instantly approve.
The other day I was looking at my wardrobe and I saw some 4-5 clothes in the same shade of Red. Given that I am someone who only keeps around 8-9 clothes at a time for regular/seasonal wear, it was quite a share.

And not just clothes, general stuff around my house (kitchen utensils included), the decor etc is like a theme- of him. It conveyed something so strongly.
I realized how I am trying to compensate his absence by keeping him with myself all the time in my mind/heart where I am subconsciously doing smallest/subtle things the way he would have liked- choosing colors he would have picked.


Love shows up in so many ways and Longing - even more.

होना, ना-होना

मेरा होना
तुम्हारे ना-होने के साथ
ख़त्म होता जा रहा है |

कितनी बार
पगलायी सी उम्मीद करती हूँ -
तुम्हारे हाथ आकर रोक लेंगे
कि बस
अब समेटो ख़ुद को
उठो और जियो


मेरे बिना ही |

कूच

मृत्यु सबको आती है

जीते बहुत हैं 

याद चंद किये जाते हैं  

और पीड़ा .. 

पीड़ा है सिर्फ तुमसे

तुम्हारे पारगमन से 

तुम्हारी कूच से 

15th August

Just felt like watching an Indian Flag Hoisting ceremony ...

Even though I am a self proclaimed - more patriotic than many, it always was a boring event for me back in the days.

I lived in a neighborhood where at least 4 schools(including mine of course) were within a distance of clear loudspeaker sound. I was always repelled by the high volumes, irrespective of the nicest melody being played.
Also, no matter how enthusiastically I practiced in bathroom, I would never think it was good enough for the stage and mic! So days like these mostly started with a negative undertone for me.

To my relief, the ceremonies used to be over by noon or so and we were home around lunchtime. Sure enough there was some Karma/Tiranga/Shaheed type movie running on DD. So the rest of the day was the real freedom and fun for the kids that we were :).

The best part was - four Boondi laddus in primary school to one tiger biscuit packet in secondary to snacks in college.

Never thought I would miss this but here I am!

Happy Independence Day :-).

Motherhood

When I dropped her at day care today, she didn't cry. And even though I wanted her not to cry every time I dropped her there in the past, I didn't quite like it when this finally happened.

Today I realized that every time she cried going away from me , it gave me a sense of fulfillment.
Of course I felt shattered watching those tears rolling down her cheeks but the fact that she didn't like being away from her mom even when there were plenty of fun activities going around, just gave the mom-me an emotional boost.

However, today was a leap. It dreaded me for the day she would go to school, college and then someday she would move out and explore the world on her own.

Will I ever be ready for it?

#motherhood

बसंत

बारिश की धूप
गर्मियों वाली हवा

ना पूरा सुकून
ना मुकम्मल सज़ा

मखमल में लिपटी
खैरातों का अन्तर्द्वन्द

समझेगा शायद ये
बर्फ की चादर में लिपटा हुआ बसंत

Wanderer

When you cant solace

You distract

And distract more

When you cant bridge

You distance 

And distance more

When you stop believing 

You trust 

And trust more

The thing about these
Pauses...
Dilemmas...
Incompleteness...

Is ...

You wander
All  The  More.

बे-ताल

रास्ते
ना याद हो तो
गुम हो जाया करते है

मंज़िलें
दिखती ना हो तो
थक ही जाया करते है



आँख
अपनी बंद हो तो
अँधेरे ही दिखते है

दो कदम
बे-ताल* हो तो
लड़खड़ा ही पड़ते है






*बे-ताल - out of sync

Alignment

Alright, you will be
may not be the same,
still need to be around
and keep up the flame.

there will be dark nights
and then some bright days,
might miss crucial tracks
but can still find ways.

the motive is crushed?
create another;
Align Yourself
and see the winner.

पति

तुम्हारी भक्ति नहीं करती
क्योंकि तुम भगवान नहीं हो
प्यार करती हूँ
... पति हो

तुम पर श्रद्धा नही
तुम कोई संत तो नही
प्यार है
... पति हो

तुम्हारा आदर-सम्मान ?
मेरे उम्र-दराज़ अभिभावक हो ?
प्यार ...
... पति हो

पूजा क्यों करूं
परमेश्वर कब बने
हाँ प्यार करूंगी
... पति हो |




*I wrote this one few years back for one of those Karwachauth  and feminism discussions .
I feel this 'set up' of Karwachauth is regressive and patriarchal for those women who follow it under some social, religious or family pressure even if personally they have no interest in doing such things.
Although for ladies who love that bridal dress up once in a while, enjoy all the pampering they receive on this day and cherish the bond when their husbands also observe fast along with them, its a celebration!
Well, mine have been :).

मेरी तुम।

वक़्त ठहरा के रखा है
तुम्हारे लिये ...
साँस के बाद एक और
.... साँस रखी है



तुम धड़कती हो मेरे अंदर
और मेरा दिन गुज़रता है
तुमसे हर बात ही यूँ
बाँध रखी  है

जादू हो न माया हो तुम
और ना मैं जन्नत में हूँ
हर दर्द सह बस तुम्हे पाने की
आस रखी  है

तुम हँसोगी तो
फिर आँगन फूल बरसेंगे
वो घर बनाने को दीवारें मैंने
तैयार रखी है

कभी सोचा न था
कि सोचूंगी तुम्हे इस हद
किस्मत ने भी बस अपनी ही
ठान रखी है